PERFECTION IN PARENTING?
Have you ever beaten yourself up for how you’ve done something? How you’ve shown up for your child, client, or spouse? Felt guilty about spending too much time away from the kids?
Or have you ever NOT done something…? Not acted towards a goal you had, or sat frozen in time for fear that you wouldn’t “get it right?” So, NOT acting, was safer than acting and getting it “wrong?”
I’ve done it all. And this topic is near and dear to my heart because I live it and am working through it every day. I read a quote shared on a friend’s Facebook wall this week that said this:
“Most perfectionists are procrastinators because anxiety makes it difficult to start a project unless you’re sure you can do it perfectly. We often call it lazy, but it’s not accurate. You’re probably very energetic when you feel empowered and capable.”
I hated how accurate that quote was for me. As I sit here, with piles of work to do for my upcoming book launch, I find myself freezing. Trying desperately to balance work and home life, feeling like I’m behind on EVERYTHING and there’s no catching up.
Such is life with an infant (and older kids)…there is no “getting it right.” There is no sense of perfection. There is no “ideal” way. There is just your way. And the sooner we come together as a community and realize that we can support each other instead of judging each other, the happier, safer, and more fulfilled we will all be in our lives. I’ve often said, that I wish we could bring back the ”village” mentality of raising families. But, unfortunately, I find there’s a lot of internal and external pressure to achieve this unrealistic image of flawlessness in life. Whether it’s the show we put on for social media, or something else, I used to think I had to portray a certain appearance, and look like I had it all together. While my book is meant to offer more education and options for parents seeking holistic care for themselves and their growing babies, the primary message is this: WE ARE HUMANS RAISING HUMANS. There is no one “right” way. We all screw up, and we do what works for each of us individually. And learn along the way.
Here are a few of my tips and suggestions to remind ourselves everyday to let go of that need to “get it right!”:
· Finding peers that are going through similar stages helps us normalize our everday experiences. It helps us realize that we are not alone. Connecting with friends and sharing stories provides laughter and much needed comedic relief from the daily grind. With covid restrictions lifting, take the opportunity to get together with others and just relax, knowing that you’re doing great. Finding your “tribe” of support and love is critical to reducing stress and truly enjoying this life!
2. BE KIND TO YOURSELF · Give yourself the same grace and love as you’d give your best friend. I guarantee you’d never judge your best friend with the same harshness that you judge yourself. So, think to yourself, “if my best friend did ‘xyz,’ what would I tell him/her? Treat yourself with that same level of respect and care. There is no reason to guilt trip yourself over anything. Guilt serves no one, and hurts everyone involved. Learn to forgive yourself and keep moving forward into the life you want!
The bottom line is this - I know the struggle. And I see the struggle in practice when treating patients. And having this ridiculous idea that we are meant to be everything to everyone and do everything “right” IS. NOT. POSSIBLE! We don’t have to take on the world. We don’t need to be superheroes. And we can enjoy parenthood and life as we do the best we can while balancing our responsibilities.
Nothing is more important than your own health and the health of your family. The last 8 weeks of content on my YouTube channel were dedicated to book related topics. Check them out, or forward the playlist to someone you know who may benefit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NoGIaSrlzg&list=PL4W9vFZ78rwmq-WGNAEUG7yZJTTth1U5U.
Hop over to the “shop” tab on my website, and use promo code PRESALE 50…the first 50 people to pre-order by July 23, 2021, will receive a free self-care kit, and autographed copy of Coordinating the Chaos -through birth and burnout!
Excited to support you and your family in your health journey! And as always, please reach out with any questions!
Yours in health,
Dr. Christy Matusiak